Friend and colleague Mark Levy, author of Accidental Genius agreed to give us feedback onour most recent newsletter, which included advice for “A Better Way to Deliver Difficult News.” “That advice is refreshingly harsh,” he told us
Harsh? Ouch! Sometimes the truth DOES hurt.
We shouldn’t have been surprised. Others have been known to describe our message that way, only without the “refreshingly” modifier.
As we continued to talk, Mark backpedaled a bit, saying a better description would have been “unapologetically honest.” He said he understood why asking people to “live the experience of truth” at work would be a concept people might turn from.
“It’s not like you're telling people they can get anything they want if they just visualize,” Mark said. “Part of the reason I said ‘unapologetically honest’ is because I am always apologizing for telling the truth.”
What spurs the impulse to apologize for being honest, we wondered. Then we had a revelation — people never apologize for telling the truth unless they are uncomfortable telling it, or they think it is something that might be difficult to hear.
When we talk to people about the rewards of telling the truth as a business practice, it is common for reactions to include fear, suspicion, and skepticism. In the context of most organizations, “telling the truth” almost always has a negative connotation.
If you start a conversation with “Can I tell you the truth?” what usually happens? Typically, a step back. People brace themselves. They look for something to hold onto so the force of hearing something unpleasant won’t knock them flat.
How have we managed to create organizations where “telling the truth” is seen as a radical act? Why do people consider it as unpleasant as administering a dose of castor oil?
Nobody requests permission to tell the truth (or apologizes for it) if the message is: “I think you’re a terrific leader.” They don’t think twice about delivering a truthful “I really appreciate all the extra hours you’ve been putting in to make this project successful.”
But when the truth is difficult — “things aren’t going so well” or “we need more from you” — people are reluctant to deliver it. And that raises another difficult issue: People are often equally unwilling to hear the truth.
Helping people understand the business reasons for delivering difficult truths helps develop organizations where people can tell each other the truth. Investing equal energy in coaching people to hear the truth — even if it doesn’t always feel good — fosters reflection, self-awareness and resiliency
NOTE: We’d really like to hear your stories about truth telling. Relate a time when telling the truth felt too risky, and how it turned out. Or an example of when you told the truth even in the face of your fear. What happened?